Hail to the Chief

This just in:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Vice President Dick Cheney is assuming the powers of the presidency for the second time in five years while President Bush undergoes a medical procedure.

Bush planned to hand over authority to Cheney on Saturday before the president goes under anesthesia to receive a routine colonoscopy - a test to look for potential cancer. The same routine was followed when Bush underwent a colonoscopy in 2002.

The news story went on to report that our resident governmental Dick is going to be at his home in Maryland, about 45 miles east of Washington D.C. That seems like a bit too much information for our secure, undisclosed VP. I imagine him spending the few hours of his Presidency trying out the oval office: signing a few bills, adjusting the height of the desk chair, putting the pens in the correct drawer, and cleaning the cracker crumbs out of the keyboard. Maybe planning a new war.

Anyhow, I think it's a significant step for W to consider the possibility that he might not be fit to lead with a camera up his ass. If only he'd realize that it's even more difficult to do it with his entire head up there.

A heckuva job...or, I want to work for George W. Bush

I don't want to get too political here. I'm really writing about my job. The thing is, I don't really care for my job. I don't like what I do. I just happen to, I think, do it well. And there are people willing to pay me to do it. There are not too many people willing to pay me to paint self-indulgent pictures of whatever might strike my fancy, or to play my bass, or act in plays or drink mojitos by the pool. These are all things I would rather do than go to work every day. I'd also rather play with my kids, read books, learn to play the piano and watch movies. In fact, it's very easy for me to come up with a list of things I'd rather do than my job. Right now, I'm writing in the blog, rather than do my job.

I happen to be the Art Director of a trade show display company. Art Director sounds like a nice title. In this context, it doesn't mean much. Technically, if there was much "art" to direct, I would direct it. But that's not the case. When I first came to work here, I was asked what I wanted my title to be. I thought Art Director sounded more impressive than "Graphics Manager" so I had them put that on my business cards. Often, when speaking with clients or vendors on the phone, I tell them I'm the Graphics Manager. It's more descriptive of what I really do...and it seems to put them at ease. They must be intimidated by "Art Director".

Anyhow, I think I do a pretty good job...because I have to. I'm willing to bet that if my administrative technique was on par with some of the men who have held jobs that are, in the greater scheme of things, much more important than mine is, I wouldn't even have the stinky soul-sucking job that I do have.

Michael Brown botches the rescue/recovery efforts in New Orleans. He's doing a "heck of a job." Donald Rumsfeld spends much of the Iraq war with his head in the sand (American sand, of course..the sand in Iraq is dangerous!), completely out of touch with reality. He has "made the world safer" and his reforms "will enhance the security of the American people for decades to come." Alberto Gonzales' piss-poor performance in front of Congress a few days ago in which he apparently couldn't recall his own damn name has increased the President's confidence in him.

Damn.

I do a good job every week. Nobody gets killed. Nobody loses property. Nobody gets tortured. All I get is a paycheck. W, if you need someone to fill just about any position...I'm pretty sure you know where to find me. I could use a little raise, and I'm willing to bet that I could do a pretty good job (acceptable to you, anyhow) and still have time to drink mojitos. I'll even tear up the picture of you and your "enhancement" that I drew.

sketch of the day

In case anyone has wondered where I've been...I've been too busy to write. Normally, I write on my lunch hour at work, but I've been working through lunch this whole week, so have not had a chance to do it.

The other downside of being so busy is that I'm likely working at the computer a lot. When I do this I start to have problems with my right wrist. At times it's numb, and other times it's intensely painful. Either way, it's pretty unpleasant. So I was considering blogging last night, but I just didn't feel like typing.

The good news is that an image popped into my head, and I decided to draw it. This is to me a good thing...it's been a while since I've had that sort of thing happen. So I'm glad about that. And drawing uses the muscles in my hands differently than typing and clicking does, so it didn't hurt. So...for your viewing pleasure:



Yeah...okay...it's a little odd. But I like it. I'm thinking about either adding a word balloon, or maybe a caption of some sort. "Executive Privilege"or something like that...I dunno. I welcome your thoughts on that. I'm thinking of making a t-shirt out of it, if cafe press doesn't find it too obscene.

TANG for Victory!

Another post that's a bit past it's freshness date...

"If we are approached over orange juice by the Syrians or the Iranians to discuss an Iraq-related issue that is germaine to this topic: a stable, secure, peaceful, democratic Iraq, we are not going to turn and walk away."

The above statement was made last Friday by one of the US diplomats on his way to a conference in Bagdad over last weekend. The objective of the conference, I believe is to find a multilateral solution to the security solution (rhymes with bluster-muck) in Iraq. In addition to the US and the other permanent members of the UN Security Council, Turkey, Iran, Syria were also to attend.

Sounds like a fun time.

The key to the above quote is the bit about orange juice. It's a curious thing to say. I believe it's meant to imply that no formal discussion was planned, but if Iran were to...i dunno...send over the guys from Turkey to the US table to break the ice, then maybe the US delegate might be convinced to awkwardly ask the Iranians to dance later on...if they feel like it. But I think that the US delegation is missing out on a golden opportunity here to flex some good old American muscle.

I like orange juice. It can be very tasty, and has a lot of good vitamins and stuff that can keep one healthy. But no orange-flavored breakfast drink better expresses American superiority than Tang. If you don't know what Tang is, it's a powdered orange drink high in vitamin C. According to Wikipedia, Tang was "initially intended as a breakfast drink, but sales were poor until NASA began using it on Gemini flights in 1965. For a decade it was associated with the U.S. manned spaceflight program by many consumers." Growing up, I was always envious of those kids who had Tang at their homes. For some reason, my mother never bought it, so I felt a bit deprived. She must have thought that orange juice could cut it, so I didn't get to drink what astronauts drank. Who know if my life would have turned out differently if I had had access to Tang. As an adult, I occassionally buy Tang, and I've tried to impress upon my children the significance and tastiness of this drink. If they like it, I have an excuse to buy it. Enough about me...

Like a member of the national guard on his third tour of duty, let's return to Iraq, and my fellow Americans at their breakfast table. If the Iranians or Syrians were to sidle up to the table and try to strike up a conversation, the US delegate could offer them a glass of orange juice and be considered, at best, polite. Conversely, if the delegate were to offer a cold, freshly stirred glass of Tang, he would be making a statement. Offering Tang to a foreign dignitary reminds said dignitary that the USA has a (mostly) successful space program. We have traveled to the moon and planted a flag there. Every once in a while, we break free of the restraints of gravity that most nations must succumb to and we circle the planet. Why? Because we can. Because it's there.

And because we have...

...really...

...big...

...rockets!!

America...Fuck yeah!

I'm certain that the Syrians would be so overwhelmed that they will do as the W famously said with his mouth full at the G8 summit last year, and "...stop doing this shit and it's over." I'd bet good money that he was drinking Tang at that meal.

R.I.P. Captain America

I started to write this post last week, but a busy workweek and insane weekend prevented me from actually finishing. So...here it is. A little less timely that I had hoped.

Captain America is dead. He was felled by a sniper's bullet. And it's a good thing.

I haven't really followed comics--especially super hero comics--in years. Apparently some sort of civil war between the superpowered beings has sprung up over whether or not they need to "register" themselves with the government. Cap believed that it infringed on his civil rights and refused. His death raises the stakes in the overarching storyline that is going on across all the Marvel Comics.

The cynic in me says that he had a high enough profile that his "death" would make the evening news. That sort of publicity is good for comics. Unless things have changed radically since I managed a comic book store (DON'T JUDGE ME!), sales on his comic book were never all that great. So killing him doesn't have the same ramifications as killing Spider-Man or Wolverine would. So it's a solid business decision. I do admire Marvel's choice not to publicize his demise before the book was released. That means stores did not over-buy to meet inflated demand (see: the Death of Superman). That's good for comic collectors.

I was never much of a Captain America fan...he wasn't conflicted enough to make the character interesting, and after more than 50 years, most of the stories were a bit of a retread. But it was nice to know that he was there...a figure to step in every so often and provide a moral center--a voice of reason to the other super heroes. Cap was an idealist who believed and lived out what were supposedly "American" ideals. Life. Liberty. Pursuit of Justice. Equality. Apple Pie. I know that if feels like that isn't really representative of America at the moment. At a time when liberty is increasingly at risk, perhaps it is appropriate to kill Captain America. But maybe it isn't such a good thing.