TANG for Victory!

Another post that's a bit past it's freshness date...

"If we are approached over orange juice by the Syrians or the Iranians to discuss an Iraq-related issue that is germaine to this topic: a stable, secure, peaceful, democratic Iraq, we are not going to turn and walk away."

The above statement was made last Friday by one of the US diplomats on his way to a conference in Bagdad over last weekend. The objective of the conference, I believe is to find a multilateral solution to the security solution (rhymes with bluster-muck) in Iraq. In addition to the US and the other permanent members of the UN Security Council, Turkey, Iran, Syria were also to attend.

Sounds like a fun time.

The key to the above quote is the bit about orange juice. It's a curious thing to say. I believe it's meant to imply that no formal discussion was planned, but if Iran were to...i dunno...send over the guys from Turkey to the US table to break the ice, then maybe the US delegate might be convinced to awkwardly ask the Iranians to dance later on...if they feel like it. But I think that the US delegation is missing out on a golden opportunity here to flex some good old American muscle.

I like orange juice. It can be very tasty, and has a lot of good vitamins and stuff that can keep one healthy. But no orange-flavored breakfast drink better expresses American superiority than Tang. If you don't know what Tang is, it's a powdered orange drink high in vitamin C. According to Wikipedia, Tang was "initially intended as a breakfast drink, but sales were poor until NASA began using it on Gemini flights in 1965. For a decade it was associated with the U.S. manned spaceflight program by many consumers." Growing up, I was always envious of those kids who had Tang at their homes. For some reason, my mother never bought it, so I felt a bit deprived. She must have thought that orange juice could cut it, so I didn't get to drink what astronauts drank. Who know if my life would have turned out differently if I had had access to Tang. As an adult, I occassionally buy Tang, and I've tried to impress upon my children the significance and tastiness of this drink. If they like it, I have an excuse to buy it. Enough about me...

Like a member of the national guard on his third tour of duty, let's return to Iraq, and my fellow Americans at their breakfast table. If the Iranians or Syrians were to sidle up to the table and try to strike up a conversation, the US delegate could offer them a glass of orange juice and be considered, at best, polite. Conversely, if the delegate were to offer a cold, freshly stirred glass of Tang, he would be making a statement. Offering Tang to a foreign dignitary reminds said dignitary that the USA has a (mostly) successful space program. We have traveled to the moon and planted a flag there. Every once in a while, we break free of the restraints of gravity that most nations must succumb to and we circle the planet. Why? Because we can. Because it's there.

And because we have...

...really...

...big...

...rockets!!

America...Fuck yeah!

I'm certain that the Syrians would be so overwhelmed that they will do as the W famously said with his mouth full at the G8 summit last year, and "...stop doing this shit and it's over." I'd bet good money that he was drinking Tang at that meal.